One of the biggest benefits of working behind a bar is, oddly, sometimes one of the biggest drawbacks. With people all along the bar talking to each other but physically facing your way, the amount of information you can't help but hear is utterly unreal. Sometimes this can be useful information, news of an ill regular patron, an interesting fact to file away with the other icebreakers, or just an amusing anecdote about life. Other times however, you hear things that...well...you really wish you could just scrub from your mind with an extra long cotton bud.
To give an example, I will share with you one of my favourite tales i've overheard in my bar of late. There are many i could tell but this one is fresh in the mind, and to be honest fairly horrible. A group of gentlemen settle at the bar to celebrate one of their number recently becoming a father. The customary large cigar and brandies are making their appearances, and as the evening draws on the conversation turns to the un/lucky fathers new responsibilities. Another member of the group offers up this gleaming pearl of wisdom, from their past experience:
"Never change your kid on a wooden table fella, i don't know what it is they feed them but that shit stains! Its still there!"
So there you have it. If i ever find myself in the situation to return this advice to anyone, i can consider my life just that little bit more complete.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Well-meaning beginnings.
A pleasure to make your acquaintance, my name is Al and i'll be your barman this evening. We serve a variety of alchoholic and non-alchoholic drinks, served with a smile and a nod. Most of you will know what its like from the good side of the bar (i.e, the side where you can drink!), but my aim here is to shed a little light on the other side, the side where we see more as you see less and less. Grab a tipple then, and take the weight off your feet for five minutes.
As the title of this post states, this is first post is also about beginnings, and about how you treat your barperson. I use the term 'your', as when you come into our bar for the purpose of pissing away your hard earned money and your precious time, our faces are ones that you will likely be seeing a lot of. We, by professional nature, learn to know faces, and a lot of what we associate yours with depends entirely on how you enter our pub, and the manner by which you greet us.
If, for example, you come through the door and meet the bar with a hello on your lips and a smile, we will treat you well, serve you quickly, and generally be nice to you. However, if you throw your money on the counter and grunt an order at us, you might find yourself waiting a little longer than other, friendlier patrons. Maybe we might not catch your eye next time you come to the bar, or maybe you might get a little more head on your beer than you'd like. Oh, and heaven help you if you try and shout your order at us when we know who is next to be served, and its sure not going to be you. Not for a loooong time now.
If its your intention to become a regular, then your efforts to make a good first impression will definately be noticed. Even if you turn out to be quite a nice person, if you get off to a shitty start, we'll still hold it against you a little. You don't want to be known as "that smelly twat with the bum fluff", rather than "that jazzy looking dude, y'know, the one with the soul patch", do you?
Do your best to be a nice patron, and not a problem customer. We don't appreciate your snide remarks, or your awful, awful breath. We're being paid to be nice to you, so if you want your money's worth from your night out, be nice to us.
I'll be shorter and sweeter hereafter, i promise. Tiddly mums, regrettable company parties, and one or two stories that you'll never have imagined happened in a bar. Keep an eye on your friendly neighbourhood barman, and i'll keep an eye out for you.
As the title of this post states, this is first post is also about beginnings, and about how you treat your barperson. I use the term 'your', as when you come into our bar for the purpose of pissing away your hard earned money and your precious time, our faces are ones that you will likely be seeing a lot of. We, by professional nature, learn to know faces, and a lot of what we associate yours with depends entirely on how you enter our pub, and the manner by which you greet us.
If, for example, you come through the door and meet the bar with a hello on your lips and a smile, we will treat you well, serve you quickly, and generally be nice to you. However, if you throw your money on the counter and grunt an order at us, you might find yourself waiting a little longer than other, friendlier patrons. Maybe we might not catch your eye next time you come to the bar, or maybe you might get a little more head on your beer than you'd like. Oh, and heaven help you if you try and shout your order at us when we know who is next to be served, and its sure not going to be you. Not for a loooong time now.
If its your intention to become a regular, then your efforts to make a good first impression will definately be noticed. Even if you turn out to be quite a nice person, if you get off to a shitty start, we'll still hold it against you a little. You don't want to be known as "that smelly twat with the bum fluff", rather than "that jazzy looking dude, y'know, the one with the soul patch", do you?
Do your best to be a nice patron, and not a problem customer. We don't appreciate your snide remarks, or your awful, awful breath. We're being paid to be nice to you, so if you want your money's worth from your night out, be nice to us.
I'll be shorter and sweeter hereafter, i promise. Tiddly mums, regrettable company parties, and one or two stories that you'll never have imagined happened in a bar. Keep an eye on your friendly neighbourhood barman, and i'll keep an eye out for you.
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